Editor's note:

The Site will have improved Photography due to better technology on the Lunar Mission thanks to a generous donation from the Central Intelligence Agency, The Fine people at Raytheon and some new interest from the incoming Administration's "We need to Look better than the Soviets" Slush fund.

"Back to our regularly scheduled Moon Landing"

Report:

Location: Luna, Summum Tabulae Planae. (Table-Top Plain)

1991-01-03

The NASA lunar research facility, Roanoke is staffed by 23 EVA certified personnel consisting of a Command Staff, Geology team, Engineering team, a Slightly-less-than-lethal Security detail, and a EVA assault group that is classified as a Geospatial Survey Team by CIA operations. The Outpost serves as an observation post whose mission is classified, generally falls under the orders "keep observation on a Soviet Observation post some 30 Kilometers to the relative east of this position."

The Roanoke Outpost is currently under the command of Col. Patrick Allen, USAF seen here with the European Union Flag “acquired” after a joint mission with the ESA outpost Stella Artois’ team after celebratory Jager Shots. The ESA has petitioned for the return of the banner, once the Coronel remembers what he did with it.

(Diplomatic addendum: Stella Artois is not actually the ESA Outpost official title. “Lunaire Artois” was the official outpost name but the NASA personnel lacking a skill in French improvised with something they could all remember.)

“The Kreeps”,

“The Kreeps”, the nick name of the NASA Geological team, named for the granular soil covering the surface of the moon & consequently their uniforms are generally an afterthought to the mission of the outpost. Producing breathable Oxygen, drinkable water, mining fusion powering Helium 3 and synthetic rocket fuel from the moon's resources is a little dull to the other high-profile mission personnel.

“Moon Patrol”

The “Moon Patrol” or “Crater Cops” is the unappealing name of the Roanoke Outpost’s Almost-Less-Than-lethal base security team. Mostly made fun of by the Lunar Assault team they are charged with keeping track of objects on the base that tend to walk off when no one is looking, like supplies, mining equipment, entire solar arrays and joyrides in the L.R.V 's to name a few. So far, the Security team is working on improving their safety record of nearly 86 hours without a serious injury.

“Ninjaneers”

The “Ninjaneers” are the base operations team, fix-it-men and serious nerds on the frontier. With a plethora of mathematical jokes and Star Trek references no one can tell outside of their team if they are serious about a problem or tech-splaining things just to appear busy to the rest of the crew. Known for their brutal poker games and obsession with hissing noises "these guys keep us from dying in our sleep" the captain justifies frequently.

"The Team"

The “Geospatial Survey Team” runs classified operations on the Lunar surface for three letter agencies' black budget projects. The things they haven't seen on the moon would astound you. As seen above they joy in the posing in theatrical poster covers for the captain's Imagined book "Lunatic on the Fringe".

"If you knew some of the crap going on up here, you would disappear." quote Captain -REDCTED-